A brief, funny teaser for our show ....

If this doesn't make you laugh, what will?

http://vimeo.com/36949021

Marsby in March

Look for this logo to start popping up around town in coming months. It's the logo for my new play, debuting in March at the Civic Center. Congrats to graphics artist Tamaralee Shutt  on a great job!

Tim Green at the Bat

Green's books: Always on point

The Outlook wasn't brilliant

For the Skaneateles 11 that day.

The council voted unanimously

To not let the Lakers play.

It took a quick decision 

By a learned judge.

To get the Lakers on the field,

Despite the ethics smudge.

 
The townsfolk, they debated,
Called the media unfair.
But Tim Green loves attention,

Hence his blow-dried hair.

He led his team to victory,

That cold October day.

His favorite play was "72 Green",

Things always go his way.

A lawyer/football phenom,

Success just seemed to flow.

He even found his bio-Mom,

Then hosted a TV show. 

Author, commentator, philanthropist.

Valedictorian, senior class.

A real-live local Renaissance Man,

 Or just an arrogant a---?

The three women on the School Board,

They'd feared what Tim Green meant.

They voted for the candidate,

Who lacked a p.r. bent.

Four star-struck males swung the vote.

The team began to win.

There was a brand-new quarterback:

The coach's next of kin.

It was shaping up like always, 

A new Tim Green best-seller,

About a brave and handsome coach,

a selfless, friendly feller.

Who shows a Rustbelt hellhole,

(Some poetic license there),

The path to pride and dignity,

That everyone can share.

But rumors would not dissipate

As players moved to town.

Some of them stood 6-foot-six

and weighed 400 pounds

Some of them were quick as cats,

and jumped like kangaroos.

And some could cover 40 yards,

In under 4.2.

"How could it be?"

Some skeptics asked,

That things could change so fast?

"How could the talent be so deep,

When usually we're last."

An investigation showed the truth:

Recruitment had occurred.

Coach Tim Green, well, he denied it,

But carefully chose his words.

He sounded like the lawyer,

Which you'll recall he is,

Said he'd not been implicated,

Yet exoneration would be his.

Smart money held he'd surely win, 

and have the final chortle.

Setbacks happen not to Tim:

They happen to mere mortals.

Soon the slate would get wiped clean,

The season would be saved

When your jersey says "Tim Green",

The rules for you are waived

But when the judge returned to work

 To make a final ruling

It came to pass the judge himself 

Was in no mood for fooling.

He ruled against the football team,

Their season now is done.

Sometimes, I guess, it's not so cool

To be the coach's son.

 

The glint is gone from Tim Green's eye,

The swagger from his gait.

Skaneatles now must accept: 

Their coach is second-rate.

Oh, somewhere in some other town,

 The sun is shining bright.

The string quartet is playing somewhere, 

 And somewhere fishes bite.

And somewhere men are laughing,

 and children run and chase.

But there is no joy in Skaneateles. 

Tim Green lost his case.

 

 

.

 

 

 

I, Wellness Columnist.

http://whatsupatupstate.wordpress.com/2011/10/24/healthy-monday-humorist-jeff-kramer-gets-serious-about-his-health/


Hi All,

Here's the link to my kick-off column in a new magazine published by Upstate Medical University. I'll write monthly as their health/humor guy.

If you've seen me in person lately this first column might seem a little dated. I wrote it during the summer at the start of my slim-down campaign. But check it out anyway as well as the rest of the magazine, which is quite excellent. I'm proud to be part of it. JK

Time For A Trick Play: Obama Uncensored

Maybe the White House has already figured this out and called NFL Films President Steve Sabol. President Obama needs to get miked up pronto, just like New England Patriots Coach Bill Belichick was, so Americans can hear it all, unvarnished and unspun: The doubt, the frustration, the anger the joy, the sadness, the humor.

Is it a risky idea? Yep. But sometimes doing nothing is a bigger risk, especially when you're heading into an election cycle on the dawn of a double-dip recession. And lest we forget, it was Obama who promised that the health care debate would be shown behind the scenes and uncensored on C-SPAN. It didn't happen, but it should have.

Like a lot of Americans, I've tired of Obama's mellifluous speech-making, and I hunger for something real. Just as Belichick candidly laments to quarterback Tom Brady on the sideline that he has tried everything but can't get the team to respond, Obama could be revealed sharing his true thoughts on, say, Pakistan.

I bend over backwards for these guys. I send them millions of dollars. I include them in the family of nations when they were hiding bin Laden. I even say "Pawk-ee-stawn" when I know damn well it costs me votes in key swing states. And they attack our embassy in Kabul?? That's bull*&^%, Hillary. Major League bull*&^%.

Then a humanizing transition to a domestic matter:

Michelle! If you're going to Target don't forget that gift card we got from the crown prince of Bahrain. I know it's only 50 bucks, but what the hell ...

The parallels between Obama and Belichick are worth pondering. Belichick has five Super Bowl rings. Obama won the Super Bowl of politics. Both have been described as cerebral and aloof. Both have tasted the sweet fruit of ultimate victory, and the sour swill of unfulfilled expectations. Both shun the media or spoon-feed it cliches.

Only now Belichick has something Obama doesn't: A prime-time NFL Films documentary.

Before "Bill Belichick: A Football Life" aired last month on the NFL Network, the Patriots coach was one of the most reviled figures in sports, except by his players and the vast majority of New England Patriots fans. To most everyone else he was a broodng, bloodless character absorbed in the tactical chess match of football but indifferent to the human element. When he was fined $500,000 and stripped of two No. 1 draft picks because the Patriots were filming rival sidelines in violation of league rules, he was labeled a cheater.

Who knew all it would take to turn Belichick from a pariah to a prince would be a few hours of candid camera on satellite TV?

Friends of mine who have long loathed Belichick are suddenly telling me they like the guy.

Boston-based sports media columnist Bruce Allen wrote: "When people watch this film and see Belichick in a completely different way than they are used to, are they going to wonder why the local media at times is so focused on how he acts in press conferences ...? It seems like a fair question to ask."

The New York Times -- no friend of the Patriots -- lauds the two-part film for showing Belichick as a "fiery, funny, profane, passionate person."

Obama and Belichick are both tactical geniuses at the top of their games, but the coach seems to have grasped something the politician hasn't:

It's harder to hate someone when you know them.

The clock is ticking, Mr. President. Bench the b.s. and put transparency in the game.

Heard at the Syracuse Airport

The other night I was returning to Syracuse from a West Coast trip. As I entered the terminal late at night, a fellow passenger sighed and said: "Other airports smell like wonderful food. This one smells like Clorox."

Hey, at least they're killing germs along with good first impressions.

*   *   *   *  *

Pizza to travel for

From my travels, here's a plug for The Independent Pizzaria in Seattle -- and yes, there's a Syracuse connection.

You'll find The Independent Pizzaria in tony Madison Park about a block from Lake Washington. It's small and is open Wednesday-through Sunday, dinner only. Expect to wait-- and to be glad you did.

This is first-rate stuff, and as an incurable pizzaholic I don't say that lightly. The menu is in Italian but the friendly staff helps with that. You can go basic or exotic. The Farmer, a pizza with soft egg and prosciutto, blew all of us away, and we had some less--than-adventurous eaters in our party. My only regret is that I had a hard time concentrating because I was catching up with old friends. Damn them!

Upon leaving, I paid Tom the highest compliment a native Seattleite can give a chef.  I told him that from now on whenever I return to the Emerald City of my youth, I'll now be making two mandatory  food stops: Dick's Drive-in ( A Seattle institution) and his place.

Btw, there's a Syracuse connection to the pizzaria. Tom grew up here, and his parents, Vicky and Joel, walk dogs with my wife at Helping Hounds in DeWitt.

http://houndsrescue.com/

http://www.theindiepizzeria.com/blog/

http://www.ddir.com/


* * * *
Good news on the super-Chihuahuas I blogged about earlier. Sibling puppies Chu Chu and Cha Cha have been adopted to separate homes. The two adult dogs are no longer at the shelter either. One was adopted and the other is in foster care. None of this is any thanks to me, but it's good to know there are people out there who have room in their hearts for Chihuahuas grandes.

* * * *
Congratulations from this New England Patriots fan to Buffalo Bills fans for a much-deserved victory this past Sunday. Now, can we please move past all this "Brady is a lady" crap?

 For the seven years or so I've been traveling to Orchard Park to see my Pats play. Most Bills fans are terrific -- long-suffering, but terrific -- but there's always a contingent of idiots who find it the height of hilarity to throw homosexual slurs at future Hall of Famer Tom Brady. It's not cool, and it's not funny, especially a week after a 14-year-old Buffalo kid killed himself after being the subject of anti-gay bullying.

If an appeal to basic human decency doesn't carry the argument, let me try this: In ending a 15-game losing steak against New England, the Bills just beat one of the best quarterbacks of all time. So where is the logic in Bills' fans impugning his manhood? When you run down your opponent, you devalue the accomplishment of beating that opponent.

I understand that attending an NFL game isn't the same as attending a lecture on Jane Austen. But stupid is stupid and cruel is cruel ... in any venue. If being married to a super model, winning three Super Bowls and being the first unanimous MVP pick in league history makes you gay, I''ll take an Amaretto Sour, please.

Eruff is Eruff: Adopt These Super-Chihuahua Siblings Now

Today KramerPost unveils "Eruff is Eruff," an occasional feature spotlighting good dogs that, through no fault of their own, keep getting overlooked for adoption at Helping Hounds, a dog rescue where my wife, Leigh, volunteers.

www.rescuehounds.com

Choo Choo and Cha Cha

You'll find Helping Hounds in one of the out-structures at the Shoppingtown Mall in DeWitt, N.Y. Staff and volunteers can usually tell which dogs will get snapped up the quickest and which ones will struggle to find homes. Puppies and small dogs tend to fly out of the shelter almost as soon as they arrive -- sometimes before they arrive. But now and then some excellent canines languish inexplicably.

Such is the case with Choo Choo and Cha Cha, a brother-sister pair of Chihuahua-Terrier  mixes plucked from a high-kill shelter in Tennessee. They're about 5 months old.


I met Choo Choo and Cha Cha just today, and they're delightful: Calm, well-mannered, affectionate with people and each other. If Leigh and I weren't already at the municipal limit (3) of dogs in our home, I'd be tempted to grab them myself.

The siblings have spent 3 weeks at the shelter, an unusually long time for small-breed puppies. What seems to be the hang-up? Several prospective adoptive humans have commented that the puppies are too large for what they want in a Chihuahua.

I find this infuriating on several levels.